So yesterday afternoon I got to check off my bucket list being apart of a Police stand-off. Yes! you read this correctly. I was a trapped bystander of a police standoff occurring 2 houses down from where I live. At first it resembled another police show that you watch on TV and the excitement over whelmed me. As the stand-off continued to the wee hours of the night. The excitement dwindled and fear and annoyance ensued. As the person who was trying to hide from the police in a neighboring house, I also felt trapped. I felt physically trapped by the street and drive way being blocked by the police task force. I felt physically trapped inside my house because of fear of missing the scary event and fear of what scary event may occur. I felt mentally trapped because it was consuming my thoughts. Even when I tried to go to sleep at midnight I dreamed about the event. How was it going to end and will I be trapped tomorrow? Was my car going to be okay. I can’t afford to replace the vehicle now and I can’t afford to not have a car. Then the anxious anger set in and I thought the person who was standing off the police, life was not as important as all the people he displaced or time he wasted. Then I started to think, “What was he thinking” stand-off rarely end good for the person standing off the police. Either the criminal is arrested or he/she is killed. They never allow for the person to flee even if some of the demands are met. In the end was it really worth all the commotion? I am happy that the person decided to ended it amicably and surrender. He could have thought of that 5-7 hours ago before SWAT, COMMAND CENTER, and BOMB SQUAD was called in.
Now this memory has imprinted to occur in times of anxious, anger and fear. I joked about it all day to friends but I was scared, fearful and felt unsafe. There was no joking on the inside. Eventually, with time the level of impact of this memory will fade until the right time in which all the right emotions and environment coincide.
How has a memory changed you? Whether good or bad an imprinted memory changes your well-being.